Brahm Life Coaching

What To Do When You Feel You’re Not Good Enough?

Hi, when we launched our first video, we covered the signs and symptoms of depression. And in that video, we talked about feelings of “not good enough” can occupy your mind, and can give you depression. If you haven’t watched the video, then please click here. The classic feeling is that of anxiety which you get when “I am not enough” thoughts dominate your mind.


The reason could be anything; your parents want you to score A’s, and you are not able to get them, even after giving your 100%; your spouse is telling you to lose weight, but is unable to do so, hence “you are not good enough”; you are homosexual, and your parents don’t want you to be one, and hence “you are not enough” for them; you have a penchant for accumulating knowledge from various sources, but you just can’t compete with so many other knowledgeable people in this world. Hence, “you are not good enough”, this was classic me. I had a fear that if I didn’t have enough knowledge I might get humiliated in front of the people who appeared to have had more knowledge. That was my depression. The fear of not knowing “enough”. Other times you may feel you are not “good-looking enough”, “rich enough”, “educated enough”, “muscular enough”, “fat enough”, “tall enough”, “white enough”, “black enough”, “Indian enough”, “Muslim enough”, “Sikh enough” and every other expectation that the world throws at you.

Why suicides happen?

What is the nature of the suicidal thoughts? It is almost always, the inability to live up to somebody’s expectations. Or either somebody is in debt, or suffered some huge financial loss, or lost a loved one or had a break up even. The ability to have a purpose in one’s life is what stops the person from taking one’s life.

What to do when you get these thoughts?

If you are looking for inner peace or bliss, then you need to start living up to the expectations of the Guru. Instead of trying to live up to the expectations of somebody you know, try to live up to the expectations of the Guru. Why am I suggesting you? It is because every person that’ll you meet in your life will have some expectations from you. It is okay to live up to their expectations, but you’ll only reach where THEY are in their lives. If you live up to expectations of someone who is an incredible public speaker, you’ll become a great public speaker. And it can be good for you. But you should go after not what is good for you, but what is GREAT for you. And the Guru’s lives of total heavenly peace is priceless against any kind of materialistic achievement you can think of in this world. If you are looking for inner peace or peace of mind, then just live up to the expectations of the Guru. And all of your “you are not good enough” thoughts will fade away.

Living up to the expectations of the Guru.

The funny thing is the Gurus do not have any expectations from anybody because all expectations are of the ego.

“All expectations are of the ego.”

And Guru does not have any ego, and that’s why they are the Guru. If you know what a Gurdwara( a Sikh temple) is, you’ll notice, there are four entries in every Gurdwara of the world. What does it signify? It signifies the Guru accepts everyone in this world and have no expectations of any kind from them. The basic rule of enlightenment is that the person is in peace, regardless of what is happening in the outside world. Even the most dreadful creepy scenario that you can think of happens in front of (or even happen to them)an enlightened being, it is still does not affect them. The 5th Guru and the 9th Guru, both were severely tortured and beheaded by the Govts. of the time, and yet they didn’t utter a single cry or word of pain. And those individuals are the Gurus.

Thích Quảng Đức.

Another example of not giving a single damn of outside influences is that of Thích Quảng Đức. He self immolated on the streets of Vietnam in protest against the Govt. of the time. Here’s a photograph of him. And he too didn’t utter a single cry or word of disturbance. How did he manage to do that? For the only reason, that he was a buddhist, and has done his fair share of spiritual practice to be that centered in the midst of chaos.

Thích Quảng Đức’s self-immolation.

Now lets get back to Gurdwaras.  The four doors of the Gurdwara also signifies, that anybody even the most dreaded criminals, who have committed the most horrendous crimes imaginable, people, who have abused the Gurus, or hate the Sikhs, or have done terrible sinful things in their lives, can and still come and talk to the Guru.

The 4 entries in a Gurdwara(a Sikh Temple).

The Guru respects everyone, which is also living in the energy of universal Love towards all. Because, according to the guru, the god, the soul, the atman, resides in all, but it is hidden or blinded by ego. And when these people eliminate their egos, they’ll find peace and acceptance within.

Spiritual Practice.

The simple trick to eliminate “i-am-not-good-enough” thoughts is to start doing meditation or chanting. What I did, was whenever I got those fearful thoughts, either there or the next day, early morning, I would do the spiritual practice. The next morning at around 4:00 am, I would wake up and will take a bath, and then do Nitnem(the spiritual practice of the Sikhs). After that the rest of the day would go very very peacefully. And whenever those thoughts would come back, I would up my game of spiritual practice, and would start doing the practice in the evening also. And even then the thoughts won’t stop, I would do the practice in the night too. I would do it everyday more often, and which in turn would help me have a lot of confidence and immunity to deal with the world. You can download the morning prayer, the evening, and the night prayer.


What if the people still expect a lot from you?

Its sometimes a good thing when people expect a lot from you. The problem arises when you are unable to handle those expectations. You should confront those people, that we will live only on the terms WE set for our selves. And not by somebody else’s. If it solves your problem, then its good. If not, then fight for your rights, and tell them to F*** Off, be Assertive. And try to be as independent as possible. If you are dependent on them, then they kind of have an advantage over you. So be careful of such a situation.

In the end, whatever worries, fear, anxiety, depression that you are facing can be eliminated completely. Don’t take life so seriously, only because of seriousness, our lives tend to go into depressive mode. So just relax. And have an awesome day.

Thank you for reading.


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