Brahm Life Coaching

Passive, Aggressive or Assertive-Which one are you?

Hello everyone. Todays topic is passive, aggressive or assertive. which one are you?  And which one you should be? What kind of behaviour will be considered best if one is looking for inner peace or happiness? Or which of these behaviours is inclined towards Spirituality or to the Gurus teachings, and especially to the Sikh gurus teachings.


What does it mean?… according to oxford dictionary, as an adjective,  it means

“Accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance”

In a depressive state, people tend to go into passive mode. They have difficulty saying no to the people. Have difficulty standing up to themselves. You basically become a doormat. You tend to be very nice to everyone, even when the other person is not giving you respect or is treating you badly. If you are reading this, and you can relate to all of this stuff, then you should know that you belong to the passive category. And you need to STOP doing that. As a general rule, female gender is considered to be more passive than the male gender, why? I don’t know. Probably it’s an evolutionary thing.

The problem with passivity is, it is still can protect your ego. For example, if a woman is passive, and the situation demands her to be honest towards a person, and her honesty will actually benefit the other person, because of her passivity, she will lie, only so that the other person does not get hurt. And this is wrong not only for the other person but for the women as well. Liars and corrupt people, cannot find inner peace or bliss. Period. Because they accumulate bad karma, and protect their ego they’ll never see a state of zero ego.

“Liars and corrupt people, cannot find inner peace or bliss. Period. Because they accumulate bad karma, and protect their ego they’ll never see a state of zero ego.”

There are always situations in everyone’s life, where we see our closed ones, friends, family doing stupid things unintentionally. That if one doesn’t warn them, they’ll get hurt in the longer run.


According to oxford dictionary,  as an adjective it means,

“characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing”

and its the way it is. If you act in that way, then you belong to this category. You are basically a bully, dominating person. Male gender is usually guilty of this behavior, but in today’s time of feminism, you see this trend in women as well. If you are reading this, and can relate to it, then you need to STOP doing that. I personally too, used to be very aggressive, in my school days(as my friends tell me), I was a complete bully.

My ignorance was rampant. I used to push sensitive buttons of other people all the time seeking some provocation from them. Only after the guidance of the Gurus, have I managed to tone down my aggressiveness, and could be called “assertive”, to which comes the last sub-topic of this article.


The sweet spot, according to oxford dictionary, as an adjective, it means

“confident and direct in claiming one’s rights or putting forward one’s views.”

Assertiveness is an amalgamation of passivity and aggressiveness. Like yin yang. It works when both of the behaviors are in balance, you cannot be called too passive or too aggressive, you are just assertive.

Assertiveness is the ability of saying no to the people. Assertiveness is also about claiming one’s rights, living in self-dignity, standing up to yourself, having a voice against the oppressor.

Whole of the world, lies either in the passive category or aggressive. Assertive individuals are very few. The leaders of the countries are becoming aggressive day by day and their citizens passive. Both of them need to change their behaviours to be assertive, if they want inner peace or happiness. The Gurus lived a very assertive lives. You can read the history of the Sikh gurus, their 239 years of existence went with assertiveness in their actions, words, and everything they did. They were assertive towards the people, to the govts, to the leaders, to the oppressors. The turban of the Sikhs, is a sign of assertiveness, ensuring the self-dignity of a person, regardless of their economic status.

To paraphrase Guru Gobind Singh ji,

Oppressing people is a sin. And it is even a greater sin, that if you’re being oppressed and not fighting back.

The person who is in peace with him/her self will always be assertive, and not passive or aggressive or passive-aggressive.

Thank you for reading.


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